I’ve always been someone who loves finding out about and understanding logical, concrete, reliable theories and principles. I feel safe and comforted when I understand something and very unsafe when I don’t get it. This attitude has made my own journey following the Divine Truth teachings very problematic. Wanting to understand everything at once and being very afraid to make any mistakes and look foolish has been a real hindrance.
This is why I am really delighted to hear that AJ and Mary are going to be discussing “Fear” in the near future. I’ve read the theories but until I was aware of how much fear and how much resistance I have to feeling fear, there was always going to be a limit on my personal growth in Love and Truth.
For more details of how to submit questions please see Mary’s blog here:
Until recently I had been largely trying to find out the reasons why I’m not receiving God’s love on my own. I didn’t really realise that it is possible to ask God for help on anything even on helping us see the reasons why we push God away even though we believe we want God. Well that was the first lesson really, a part of me feels it wants God, has a burning desire for God even but I have distanced myself from my soul and I don’t know this part of me, and I’m actively doing things to avoid the real feelings that are present that push God away. Actually it goes further than that. I had at least 3 experiences this week when people said some straight forward things to me and I had totally unexpected emotional responses. In all of them I discovered something painful….not being as nice as I thought in one instance and in the other instances the strength of the emotion showed me how terrible I feel about myself and how much more I wanted the addiction of that person making me feel good. The first lesson seems to be then I am not aware or don’t want to be aware of what’s really in my soul. In fact, I feel my facade is real and the soul is some sort of “Despicable Me”, a troublesome teenager in the background that I want to go away and distance myself from. Logically I can see how this could happen, how we want to hide and repress all our feelings that were disapproved of to avoid punishment, ridicule and further hurt. The experience that came to mind for me was a child being asked to apologise and saying sorry when really they want to lash out in anger.
But really you don’t need to know about my personal experiences, the only point I want to make is this one, if we really want love from God we will get it. He doesn’t play games. If we are not feeling it, we are not being honest with ourselves. Something is wrong our end. Admitting I don’t have a clue has actually been a good place for me.
I am experimenting with my desire for quotations and have just started adding some of the quotations I have collected, find interesting and above all feel are both very valuable and true, in a separate place where hopefully it will be possible to search for particular topics eventually.
This is an excerpt from a talk by AJ (apologies I appear to have lost the link to the talk and will post it as soon as I recall it but I do not want to delay publishing the quote as I want to use it as the basis for a discussion on anger:
“In the case of anger with men, there are some women spirits with you who are very very angry with men and this anger with men (they are with you) – they trigger your own anger with men and then they join in on the anger and the rage through you…So what G is getting is not just you anymore he’s getting you and a few spirits projecting the stuff….The key is there are always unresolved emotions within us until we are at one with God so there is some unresolved emotion within you and spirits can connect through the unresolved emotions in order to influence us and our behaviour. The thing we need to do is to own the emotion. When we choose to not own the emotion that’s when they can use us to damage others. So if for example you are angry with me, one of the things you often say to me is – I don’t feel that so much any more – but I can feel that strongly from you and G- gets a fair bit of it from you at times so he knows it’s there. You’re angry with men – you still have the desire to deny that emotion and its the desire to deny that emotion that allows the spirits to connect through you and project a heap of anger at a man who’s right next to you. Now if you were owning the underlying emotion, the grieving emotion about how men have treated you, you would never get into the anger with men which would never allow these to connect into this anger and then manipulate this anger. You don’t want to get to the rage, In your case you don’t need to get to the rage, the rage is what came after another emotion, grief – the terrible feelings of shame and guilt that you feel about your father molesting you. These are the emotions that you need to allow yourself to connect to. When you don’t allow yourself to connect to those emotions you will connect to this emotion (anger) and when you connect to that emotion in an irresponsible way – instead of owning it and bashing a bag or something what you are wanting to do in that particular instance is you want to harm a man. Many of you ladies who have been abused will feel this way – you want the man to pay for the damage that’s been done to you. You don’t care which man even, as long as a man pays. It doesn’t even matter which man and this is how many of these spirits feel too, particularly the female spirits who have passed who have been abused too. They just want a man to pay. They don’t care which man. They know G-‘s never done anything to cause you harm. They don’t care about that, he’s a man. So what they do, they connect through this feeling of anger – this desire for punishment towards a male that is still within you. They connect to that and heighten that emotion to show you in fact that have the emotion but often what we say is “But I don’t have that emotion”, but what the Law Of Attraction is showing you is that you have the emotion. So if you own that emotion and go deeper and express this rage and anger without there being a person involved at all, the power of the interaction for the spirit goes – it’s not powerful because you are not hammering a man anymore, you’re just hammering a bag which isn’t a man and they’re not satisfied with that so they’ll go and find another woman who will hammer a man instead.
The boys all their lives would have felt that emotion from you. What they have learnt to do is to detune themselves from your rage with men. (My boy N is in a rage all the time). Well he will be because the rage projected at him since he was conceived was unfair. The way he feels is a deep feeling of unfairness and both of your sons feel a deep feeling of unfairness when you get into a rage.”
I will not refuse ministry to anyone based on their sexual orientation | Frank Schaefer
I just find this amazing. The first video is an extract from the second full feature and tells the story of a beautiful black panther.
The full documentary may be available here: